These are the books and tools I recommend most often, to clients, colleagues and friends. I’ve grouped them by topic so you can find what fits where you are right now.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. I only list things I’d recommend in my own office. Nothing here replaces therapy; see the medical and mental health disclaimer.
Attachment and relationships
If you keep finding yourself in the same relationship patterns, start here.
- Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller: the most readable introduction to attachment styles.
- Anxiously Attached by Jessica Baum: for anyone who feels panic when a partner pulls back.
- The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen: practical exercises for working through your own patterns.
- Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin: how partners can become a safe place for each other.
- How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo: what healthy closeness asks of both people.
For couples
Research-based tools for staying connected and repairing after conflict.
- Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson: seven conversations that rebuild emotional connection.
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman: concrete habits from decades of couples research.
Boundaries
For people-pleasers, over-functioners and anyone tired of saying yes when they mean no.
- Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab: the clearest modern guide to boundaries.
- The Set Boundaries Workbook by Nedra Glover Tawwab: the companion workbook for practicing.
Gaslighting and controlling relationships
If something feels off and you’ve started doubting your own memory, these can help you get your footing back.
- The Gaslight Effect by Robin Stern: the book that named the pattern.
- Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft: the book I recommend most for understanding controlling behavior.
If you’re in danger, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
Trauma, stress and the nervous system
How stress and trauma live in the body, and what helps.
- The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk: the classic on trauma and the body.
- Anchored by Deb Dana: an everyday guide to polyvagal ideas for non-clinicians.
- Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski: how to actually complete the stress cycle.
- A weighted blanket: many people find deep pressure calming at bedtime. It’s a comfort tool, not a treatment.
Parenting, screens and play
For parents who want connection, not just rules.
- Screenwise by Devorah Heitner: a balanced, non-alarmist guide to raising kids with screens.
- Super Mario Bros. Wonder (Nintendo Switch): a co-op game to play with your child. Shared play is where the connection happens.
Co-parenting and two homes
For families raising kids across two households.
- Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex by Amy J. L. Baker: protecting your child’s relationship with both parents in high conflict.
- Mom’s House, Dad’s House by Isolina Ricci: the long-standing guide to building two stable homes.
- Two Homes by Claire Masurel: a gentle picture book to read with young children.
Looking for more support?
Books can open the door, but some things are easier to work through with a therapist. If you’re in Nebraska, you can learn more about my practice at Seven Stones Mental Health.