Nerdy Millennial

Top Menu

  • About
  • Contact
  • Write For Us

Main Menu

  • Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Blogging
      • Social Media
      • SEO and Keyword Research
  • College
  • Arts & Culture
  • Technology
  • Health and Fitness
    • Nutrition
    • Recipes
      • Baked Goods
      • Breakfast
      • Condiments
      • Dessert
      • Fermented Foods
      • Main Dishes
      • Side Dishes
      • Snacks
      • Soup
    • Keto
    • Vegan
  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Friendship
    • Parenting
    • Pregnancy & Birth
  • About
  • Contact
  • Write For Us

Nerdy Millennial

Nerdy Millennial

  • Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Blogging
      • Social Media
      • SEO and Keyword Research
  • College
  • Arts & Culture
  • Technology
  • Health and Fitness
    • Nutrition
    • Recipes
      • Baked Goods
      • Breakfast
      • Condiments
      • Dessert
      • Fermented Foods
      • Main Dishes
      • Side Dishes
      • Snacks
      • Soup
    • Keto
    • Vegan
  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Friendship
    • Parenting
    • Pregnancy & Birth
Dating
Home›Relationships›Dating›How to Start Over After a Break-Up: 5 Steps to Hit the Reboot Button

How to Start Over After a Break-Up: 5 Steps to Hit the Reboot Button

By Contributing Author
February 4, 2019
439
0
How to Start Over After a Break-Up: 5 Steps to Hit the Reboot Button

By Bridget Fonger, author of Superhero of Love: Heal Your Broken Heart & Then Go Save the World

The reboot button in your post-break-up hard drive is hidden from view right after a relationship ends. I’m going to give you its secret coordinates because as different as we all may be, we all bleed red, we all can feel the deep ache of love lost, and our reboot button is situated in the very same spot.

Where is it? It’s right inside your heart, currently situated under the pile of break-up debris. And we all have the debris. We all have the end-of-relationship laundry pile on the bed that we need to sift through – one piece at a time, one relationship wound at a time, one relationship joy at a time. I’m going to lead you through five steps that will help you remove some of that debris and get you closer to that reboot button.

Think of this as Marie Kondo-ing your heart. The effects are just as en-light-ening, but the long-term effects of doing these five steps could lighten your heart forever. And, the best news is that every time you remove some debris from your heart, you are making space to love and be loved more in the future.

Each loss does not hit our hearts as one singular event, it touches off all the losses and other heart wounds from our past. If we take a few moments to look inside with this five-part exercise, we can grab back our power and take care of a good chunk of that debris.

You’ll need a pen and paper or a computer – wherever you feel comfortable writing out your thoughts – quickly, as they come to you — as you follow the prompts.

Stand Firmly Entrenched in What is So Now

Let’s talk about now. After a break-up, we tend to want to stay planted in the past, with accusations, regrets, justifications and romantic stories of what was and what could have been. I want you to come to the present, and become entrenched in what is so. Write out – quickly, don’t judge what you write or how it comes out – some of the thoughts and feelings you have right now about

1) your ex,

2) the relationship

3) yourself

Let it all out – the good, the bad and the ugly. No one will ever see this: it’s just for you to get present to what is so.

1. Your Emotional Landscape

Write a list of all the emotions you have felt since the break-up – just emotions — no stories — just a long list of feelings.

2. Overriding Feeling

Take that list and circle the top three emotions that you feel on a regular basis. Now, choose one to work on first. This should be an overriding emotion felt during this break-up. Now ask yourself the following:

When do I remember first feeling this emotion?

Don’t move on until you get a moment from your early life that carries the seed of that emotion. It doesn’t have to be the first time but goes back as far as you can. Let your mind wander freely until it latches onto a memory, a clue, the recollection of a person, a place. The clue may be tiny but follow it – gently — to the memory.

Once you have the memory, go to the next question:

    1. How old was I?
    2. Where was I?
    3. Who was around?
    4. What happened?
    5. What was the label I put on myself after that event? (I.e., I am powerless, people don’t love me, I’m not good enough, etc.)

3. Have a chat with yourself at that age – Now that you have all that information, imagine yourself at the time of that first memory and ask that little one to have a little chat in your mind’s eye. Ask her some questions so that she knows you are there to help her now:

  1. What is she feeling now?
  2. What was she feeling back then?
  3. What would she have said had she been your adult version of her back then?
  4. When she is done expressing herself to you, let her know you are here for her and ask her what she needs now to feel safe and happy.

Own Your New Power

This is a big deal what you just did in #3 and #4. Let it sink in that you just touched base with a part of your heart that has been long-wounded, and that you have empowered simply by giving it your loving attention. It will not need to poke and scream as dramatically next time. You will be less triggered because of your chat with that little one, you will be forever aware of the source of this feeling. You will able to adult your way through it in the future, rather than leaving the wounded little one to run the show.

Bravo, Marie Kondo, you just cleaned out a piece of your heart! You just cleared away some of the breakup debris that was associated with that wound! You are one giant step closer to hitting that reboot button.

The beauty of relationships is that they all — the beginnings, the endings, and all points between – trigger pieces of our hearts that need healing. When we attend to them we give voice to the pieces of ourselves that were accidentally trounced upon and left behind, set aside or forgotten. When we do that, they no longer sabotage us when we are trying to heal, find peace and reboot after a breakup.

By the way, I know that I will never be done with this kind of work. Whether I’m in a relationship or not, pieces of my heart get triggered and when they do I know it’s time to go inside and look around so that I can take away anything that is stopping me from loving or being loved.


About the Author:

Bridget Fonger is longtime health, lifestyle, and relationship writer, having authored a regular column for Huffington Post and blogs at superherooflove.blogspot.com. Fonger currently serves as a contributor for Thrive Global and Quora and hosts a podcast entitled Superhero of Love Podcast.

She is the author of Superhero of Love: Heal Your Broken Heart & Then Go Save the World (January 1, 2019).

Learn more about Fonger atwww.superherooflove.com, and check out her inspirational series of talks, Love Forward Talks.

Superhero of Love is now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and bookstores nationwide upon request.

Leave a reply Cancel reply

Recipe Rating




Send Me Blog Updates!

You Might Also Like...

  • FeaturedHealth and Fitness

    6 Effective Grounding Techniques for Empaths

  • EducationFeaturedParenting

    Free-Range Kids: 7 Ways to Encourage School-Aged Kids to be Curious and Independent

  • 3 New Fitness Trends Taking the World by Storm
    Health and FitnessFeatured

    3 New Fitness Trends Taking the World by Storm

  • Simple Rules for Growing Your Pinterest Account and Traffic in 2020
    Social MediaFeatured

    Simple Rules for Growing Your Pinterest Account and Traffic in 2020

About Nerdy Millennial

Hello, I'm Vanessa

Creator and curator of Nerdy Millennial.

This blog all about millennials sharing their passion, ideas, and expertise about blogging, healthy living, self-improvement, education, parenting, and more!

Interested in contributing? Contact us to pitch your idea or submit an article.

Featured

Frugal LivingFeaturedFinancesParenting

The 7 Money-Saving Strategies Every Parent Needs to Know

No matter how “ready” you feel to become a parent, once it happens, you realize there is no amount of preparation to adequately brace you for the total life transformation ...
  • Becoming an Online Counselor: The Pros and Credentials Needed

    Becoming an Online Counselor: The Pros and Credentials Needed

    By Vanessa Pruitt
    August 13, 2020
  • 4 Steps to Finding the Best Counselor for You

    4 Steps to Finding the Best Counselor for You

    By Vanessa Pruitt
    August 13, 2020
  • Pros and Cons of Online Counseling

    The Pros and Cons of Online Counseling

    By Vanessa Pruitt
    August 13, 2020
  • What is the Difference between Full-Spectrum, Broad-Spectrum, and Isolate CBD

    By Contributing Author
    August 11, 2020
  • How Lack of Boundaries and Dishonored Feelings Affect Your Mental and Physical Health

    How Lack of Boundaries and Dishonored Feelings Affect Your Mental and Physical Health

    By Vanessa Pruitt
    July 24, 2020
  • The Importance of Practicing Gratefulness During Times of Uncertainty

    The Importance of Practicing Gratefulness During Times of Uncertainty

    By Vanessa Pruitt
    July 16, 2020
  • 6 Ways to Naturally Freshen Your Home

    6 Ways to Naturally Freshen Your Home

    By Vanessa Pruitt
    July 14, 2020
  • Ways to Filter Your Facebook Feed and Posts

    Ways to Filter Your Facebook Feed and Posts

    By Vanessa Pruitt
    July 13, 2020
  • Why visit Rome in December

    6 Reasons to Go to Rome in December

    By Vanessa Pruitt
    July 6, 2020

    Join Us on Facebook

    Latest Comments

    • Turn Your Love of Fitness Into a Career
      on
      November 26, 2020
      […] you might want to consider getting into some sport professionally, or even just on a ...

      9 Ways to Turn Your Fitness Into A Career

    • https://apnews.com/article/7799dc8a7083f61bb1c9f1f3dba8c30a
      on
      November 25, 2020
      Trackback [...]https://apnews.com/article/7799dc8a7083f61bb1c9f1f3dba8c30a

      Are Pre and Post Workout Supplements Worth It? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself

    • Dr. Oz Answers
      on
      July 23, 2020
      Trackback [...]Dr. Oz Answers

      Are Pre and Post Workout Supplements Worth It? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself

    • Some Careers That Challenge You Each Day - CareerAlley
      on
      June 9, 2020
      […] development might not be about saving lives but it’s certainly a career that challenges you ...

      How To Build On Your Career

    • 4 Surprising Benefits of Using Instagram for Your Business - Atelier Magazine
      on
      June 3, 2020
      […] More brands are combining Instagram approaches into their marketing strategies, and it leads to business ...

      A Guide to Creating Your Instagram Strategy

    Flickr

      • Home
      • About
      • Contact Us
      • Write For Us
      • Comment Policy
      • Privacy Policy
      • Terms of Use
      We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
      Cookie settingsACCEPT
      Manage consent

      Privacy Overview

      This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
      Necessary
      Always Enabled

      Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

      Non-necessary

      Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.