Dating In The Dark: How To Cope With Dating Someone “In”, Not “Out”

Dating In The Dark: How To Cope With Dating Someone "In", Not "Out"

We are all aware of how hard dating can be, but it doesn't have to be impossible. The thing is, dating is hard enough but if you are dating someone who is still in the closet, you’re going to find it even harder. It’s not that you should avoid dating someone who is still in the closet, but it does mean that you need to find a new level of patience if they are someone you are really interested in.


You should never give someone an ultimatum if they are in the closet and you intend to date them, and you should be willing to let them come out in their own time. If you meet someone via, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are ready to be out and proud to the rest of the world. So, if you need some help on how to cope with dating someone who isn't ready to be in the world yet, let’s check out some tips to help.

1. It's Not Just About You

Firstly, you need to know that this whole thing is not about you. Think about how it felt when you came out and then put yourself in their shoes. It’s scary to be honest with the world in some circumstances, and they need to take their time. You also must remember that you can’t force them out of the closet, so you make a choice: you date and you continue, or you don't. Tolerance is important – you know that.

2. Don't Make Them Choose

You should never make the person you are dating choose between telling the world about you and their family. You do not know their dynamic and you should consider that they need more time to get comfortable with it themselves before they tell the world that fact. Be patient and let them take the baby steps that they need to take.

3. Give Respect and Time

Realize that while the world doesn't know that they are gay, they may gradually get more and more comfortable in your presence enough to tell friends in time. Sometimes, it’s frustrating to wait for them to be ready, but that’s the choice that you make when you choose to date someone who is taking their time. Give them the respect and time that they need to be ready.

4. Your Relationship Is Still Valid

Your relationship is still valid – even when people don't know it exists. Remember, the person you talked to on the phone when you were chatting is still that same person. Just because you don't hold hands in public, doesn't mean that they don't feel for you.

5. Do You Really Need Labels?

Do you really need labels on your relationship? People have been dating for many years without needing to label their love and you don't have to, either. You need to be patient and let time be what they need to grow in confidence. Your influence will help them to be okay with their sexuality, and you may be able to gently help them to let others know.

The key? Don't rush. Never, ever rush.