Getting into a new relationship is an exciting thing, of course; you’re about to share your life with someone you could see a future with! But it can also be an incredibly terrifying prospect to face, especially if you feel you’re not ready to dive in head first.
Maybe you’ve had your heart broken in the past, maybe you just got out of a relationship – if you don’t feel ready to date again, it can cause some very confusing feelings inside you.
And that’s why it’s a good idea to take pause here. Sure, you don’t have to try dating right now, but if you want to and can’t seem to get yourself to, it’s time for a bit of introspection. To help guide you through that, here are some things to do when you’re keen to tell someone how you feel but you don’t know how to approach.
Give Yourself Some Time
Not knowing how you feel about relationships is a lot more common than you think. You’re not alone in being nervous about forming a real connection; it holds a lot of people back and makes them feel isolated across multiple parts of their life. So as soon as you realise someone wants to get serious with you, simply ask them to give you a bit of time to think about it.
Having space to get your head straight with your feelings (without outside influence) is a smart strategy to take. It stops you from jumping without looking, and it helps to stop heartbreak in the long run. Take your time, make up your mind, and don’t pressure yourself into it.
Be Honest About the Way You Feel
When you’re not sure if you want to be in a relationship or not, it’s best to tell the other person straight away. Being honest and clear irons out any kinks straight from the offset, and sets up your connection as one you can rely on. If they understand the way you’re feeling, great!
But if they’re a little impatient and/or decide they want someone to be sure about them, that’s actually fine too. It’s the fear of losing a potential partner that stops people from admitting this, but staying silent isn’t fair on either of you. Be upfront, take your time to explain, and make sure you listen to their side of things. Maybe you can even work through this together?
Is There Something Holding You Back?
If you’ve been in a relationship before that’s left its mark on you, it’s worth it to see someone about it. You want to be able to move forward and find happiness again, and honestly you deserve to as well! And when you’re scared something might go similarly wrong in future relationships, it’s best to talk things through and identify how you could be pushing someone away as a defense mechanism.
Find a therapist you connect with (and don’t be afraid to try out a few!), try out some therapy techniques such as EMDRHealing, and see how much more confident you feel about relationships afterwards. You need to get to a place where you’re comfortable to be vulnerable with someone else and allow yourself to both show and receive love, and that can be next to impossible when you’re going it alone.
Think About What You Really Want
Maybe the reason you’re unable to commit to a new relationship is simply because you don’t want to be in one. It’s something worth thinking about; the person you’re talking to is someone you really like, and you enjoy going on dates with them, but maybe that’s as far as it goes.
On the other hand, maybe this is completely wrong and you find you do want to jump at the chance – more power to you! Simply thinking this over has pointed you in the right direction. You don’t want to lose your potential partner, and what you really want from them is plain and simple. You want an honest and loving connection and maybe going exclusive is just the ticket you need.
Wanting to be in a relationship and actually being at a point where you can be are two different things. Make sure you know what you want before getting someone’s hopes up, always communicate the way you’re feeling, and don’t be afraid to see someone about it. Sometimes there’s trauma we haven’t dealt with holding us back, and that needs dealing with for a happy life!
