As a pregnancy writer, I come across very few options for reading material for new dads. Hogan Hilling, author and father of 3 sons, fills a need for information within the dad community. In this book, Hogan draws on his personal experience working with expecting fathers, and attempts to help men understand what their wives are going through during pregnancy, as well as the issues that they too are facing.
Hogan is exactly right when he describes the lack of attention that dad’s get from professionals, childbirth educators, and the lack of available information that exists for new dads. There are an endless number of resources available for expecting mothers, and little to none (depending on the area) for expecting dads.
There is a lot of information covered in this book, and it’s very well rounded. It breaks the social barriers about how men feel about pregnancy and becoming a dad, and touches on feelings and worries that dad’s experience, even some things that they themselves couldn’t quite put into words, or hadn’t realized was affecting them.
Pacifi(her) offers good advice for being involved with the pregnancy, bonding with the unborn baby, and preparing for life as a new dad. It encourages dads to be proactive protectors and parents, and to stand up and take on their new role with confidence. There is a great section about intimacy, as well as one that addresses dad’s fears about the upcoming birth.
Since Hogan is a father himself, this book is written from a perspective that dad’s can understand. Hogan uses lots of analogies that will help dad’s truly “get it”. With all of the advice and information geared toward women, men often feel at a loss of what to do during pregnancy. Hogan gives practical ways in which a dad can manage the pregnancy and prepare for life with a baby, in much more “manly” ways.
After all of the great advice in this book, I was sad to see some stereotyping of women. In a round about way, Hogan portrays men as the victims of pregnancy, enduring PMS-like mood swings, nesting frenzies, and spending sprees. Having been a pregnant mom, I didn’t care for Hogan’s overtone about these matters. In one chapter, Hogan even suggests that men bypass communication with their wife by deferring to experts. I’d like to see Hogan encourage communication more between husband and wife.
Overall, I think this is a good book for dads to read during their wife’s pregnancy. Men, just try to overlook stereotypes. Not all women are an emotional nutcase throughout pregnancy, though we all have our moments. You have your moments, too.
Pacifi(her): What She’s Thinking When She’s Pregnant
**Note: I received this book as a free review copy and was not compensated in any way for the writing of this review.
Vanessa integrates EMDR, sandtray, and attachment-focused approaches in her work and is completing credentials toward Registered Play Therapist and EMDRIA certification. With a background as a certified birth doula and a passion for making healing accessible, she writes and teaches on the intersection of trauma, neurodevelopment, and story-based therapy.
