Why Pickup Lines Don’t Work (And What To Do Instead)
Internet dating advice is fraught with conflicting dating advice. Ironic to say at the beginning of a dating advice article, I know. But hear me out.
Pickup lines don't work. And if you're memorizing pickup lines and quotes in order to attract girls, you're wasting time. Let me explain.
Why Pickup Lines Don't Work
In the age of social media, the “pickup artist”, shows geared toward “what women want” and “how to attract women”, there is a lot of misinformation out there. One big issue is an abundance of information surrounding “how to pick up women” and not enough information on how to actually form real connections with women.
The truth is, if you're actually interested in getting to know women, pickup lines are a colossal waste of time. Even worse, they will produce the opposite effect you are looking for.
It sends the wrong message.
Unless a woman is already showing interest in you, or she already knows you, a cheesy or “clever” pickup line sends this message:
“I need a clever pickup line in order to get a girl to like me” and “I'm only interested in picking up any woman that will fall for my tricks, not in getting to know them individually”.
Most women are smart enough to know that you are using pickup lines to save time and energy. It's a substitute for making a genuine connection with her, and she can see right through it.
It immediately puts her guard up.
Let me tell you what women DON'T want: they don't want to be lied to, and they especially don't want to feel like they're being “tricked” into liking you or going on a date with you.
Most mature women will steer clear of you if they get even a hint that you are trying to pull one over on them. Her guard will immediately go up. And you've probably lost your chance at ever getting to know the women that you are so attracted to.
She wants to feel unique.
Here's another thing that women HATE: the feeling that they are just another girl you're hitting on. If a woman suspects that you've used the same line on multiple women, or that you hit on women regularly, it will be a huge turn-off.
What to Do Instead
If you're reading this article, I'm going to assume it's because you have tried pickup lines and found that they don't work as expected. But if you've relied on pickup lines for a while, or have encountered bad dating advice, it's tough to know what to do instead.
Using pickup lines can be like wearing a mask. It doesn't show who you really are. There is no individuality to memorizing a line or a quote.
Every woman you talk to wants to feel like she's talking to a real person. An individual. Someone who can possibly offer something that no one else can offer. Someone who can connect with, find a genuine interest in, and build a relationship with.
Improve your confidence and self-esteem.
Confidence starts with feeling good about who you are and what you're about. The easiest way to feel confident in yourself is to always be on a quest for self-improvement. If you feel good about who you are, where you are or where you're headed in life, you will more naturally come off as confident.
That being said, confidence also shows through in your warmness towards others. Be pleasant, smile, and use confident yet comfortable body language when you talk to women. Simple gestures and body language can make a huge difference in how you come across when you approach someone new.
Craft a conversation.
At the bar? Pay attention to what food or drinks she orders and strike up a conversation about your shared favorites. See that she has an interesting tattoo or piece of jewelry? Strike up a conversation about why she chose it.
And, if you're feeling bold, you can tell her exactly what compelled you to talk to her. Perhaps it was because you like the way she walks, or you like her style, or you see that she goes to the same coffee shop as you every day and she's caught your attention.
Whichever way you decide to start the conversation, don't be pushy. If she doesn't seem open to talking to you, give her a pleasant farewell and end the conversation.
What do you think of pickup lines? Let me know in the comments!